And I thought I’d found all of the horrible jello recipes in existence…

Nope.

I found numerous websites dedicated to jello based recipes.

Yecch!

I pledge to share these with you. You are welcome.

Sawdust Salad, anyone? My favourite part is the option to “Grate cheese on top if desired”. Thanks, but that would ruin a perfectly good bit of cheese.

Maybe you are not getting enough calories. I know this is rather troublesome for people. So here is a recipe to help you pack on the poundage, HorseRadish Mold.

Num num num! The recipe promises 2113 calories per serving. I imagine it comes from either the 1 cup of mayonnaise, or possibly the 1 cup of sour cream. Unless it’s the 4 ounces of horseradish… Regardless, you can be sure to plump up soon after a plate of this salad.

And the Vingada.com Award for Least Appealing Recipe Title: Mom’s Congealed Salad! I wonder what the punishment is if you don’t clean off your plate? This sounds vile… especially the instruction to add ice cream to the blender if the cottage cheese-mayo-jello mix isn’t sweet enough. Oh, and don’t forget to garnish this with nuts.

I suddenly have a craving for anything that is not sour cream, mayonnaise, cottage cheese, horseradish, or jello. Particularily lemon, lime, and orange varieties.

But I’ll leave you with this bonus recipe in it’s entirety.

Olive Relish

Bright Spots For Wartime Meals – 66 Ration-Wise Recipes, 1944

1 pkg Lime Jell-O
1 pint hot water
3 tbsp. vinegar
1/4 tsp. salt
3/4 cup sliced stuffed olives
1/2 cup sliced sweet pickles
1/4 cup diced celery, if desired

Dissolve Jell-O in hot water. Add vinegar and salt. Chill. When slightly thickened, add remaining ingredients. Turn into small individual molds. Chill until firm. Unmold. Serve with fish or meat. Makes 12 molds. Hospitality needn’t cost you much … either money or pints. Try some of these color-and-savor combinations, all made with food easy to get nowadays. They’ll prove to you and your friends that you can still do luscious entertaining in spite of shortages and rations. Say welcome in wartime!

I copied this recipe from the Jello Museum‘s website. Yes, the Jello Museum, opened by none other than Bill Cosby. Go look, they have pictures. Anyhoo, the Jello Museum has several “Historic Jello Recipes”. I dunno, maybe jello saved the free world from fascism.

Bon appetit!

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Garlic! Oh Magnificent Garlic! How My Breath Awaits You!

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My friend Naseem (who is one of my Facebook Obsessions friends) sent out this link to all of her Facebook peeps.

Oh, you must click on this link. Go watch the video. It is awesome! Now I want this thing… and yet it would sit in a kitchen drawer until the next tidy-up/purging. But the video would be worth the price of the garlic card. Yes, garlic card. Go watch the video. I’ve declared the music as the official soundtrack of my life.

After you’ve watched the swinging Swedish video, go thank Naseem by visiting her Flickr photos. She has over 3,000 photos — some of them of gorgeous cakes and hamsters (but don’t worry, there are no hamster cakes).

Umm… is that a green molded salad? Do you hate me THAT much?

This is what I’d expect any guest to ask if I presented this Jello based entree.

May I present to you… Jello’s Holiday Waldorf Salad!!

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Be honest with me… does it look like creamy compost? I think it has an extruded from mashed grass clippings look about it.

Who came up with this gem? Can you imagine the thought process that went into developing this recipe? “I’m thinking lemon Jello and and and mayonnaise! Yeah and apple! And I need to punch up the flavours with some celery! This will be fabulous.”

Not only would I have to be starving before I ate this, I’d first have to eat the wall-to-wall shag carpet and the curtains in the living room before I’d drop a tablespoon of this glop on my plate.

Besides, isn’t Waldorf Salad supposed to have chicken in it? Did Jello figure there was enough meat product (from hooves) in it to satisfy that recipe trolling public that the chicken (from chicken) wasn’t necessary?

Well I’m not going to be the first to eat this. Here’s the recipe. Tell me how it goes.

I’m Feeling a Little Blah Today

The weather has finally changed from happy sun-filled summer to chilly, dreary, damp autumn.

And it makes me feel like…. blecch!

It’s taking longer for the sun to appear in the morning, and it’s diving beneath the horizon much sooner. I don’t like it. I’ve never liked autumn. It reminds me that winter will soon be here and be here for a long long stretch. Autumn is disappointing. I know people love watching the leaves change colour, enjoy the crisp afternoons and the smell of hint o’ winter in the air. I, on the other hand, see the dying and dead leaves, and the mess they create, the crummy chill makes me feel miserable, and my allergies become unbearable.

It also reminds me that this is the end of another year. No more new spring grass, no fluffy green leaves on the trees, no cute baby critters and birds. Gone is the sense of newness and the long wonderful days of summer heat and sun.

Nope. All gone. Autumn is the season of the old, the decrepit, and the dead.

So, I today I am mourning the death of summer. I’ve decided to remember and mourn it by playing this Youth Group video “Forever Young”, and sulk.