Hideous Furniture

My apartment building has a remarkable tenant turnover rate. Each month for a solid week there are people moving their belongings in and out of new/old units. This results in tons of sale posters taped on walls by the elevators in the lobby and concourse, selling mostly Ikea bookshelves, Ikea dining room tables and chairs, Ikea sofa beds, Ikea tv stands, Ikea closet organizers, Ikea kitchen utensils, and a lot of other Ikea branded stuff. Which is great for anyone starting out or someone who wants to complete their Ikea themed apartment, or people who love allan keys. Also for sale are old television sets, Pentium 1 computers, dot matrix printers, enormous Yamaha organs, and house plants that thrived and turned into house trees. Sometimes a bird comes up on offer, or maybe a lizard with a terrarium and Lizard Kibble, and even an aquarium full of tetras (one time, disturbingly, the poster listing an aquarium on offer stated “new owners not required to keep fish”. I shudder to think what the fishes fate was). Now and then there are fur coats, leather jackets, ski equipment, snow boarding gear, and now and then a gaming system for “low low prices”.

I’ve never bought anything listed on any of these posters. I have a small place and I really don’t like furniture that smells like someone else’s life. I’m also not a big fan of Ikea, but I am fascinated by the hordes of arguing couples who shop there on any given weekend. I’ve often wondered if Ikea has ever provided their employees with “couples training” to prevent divorces that could break out at any moment when people are choosing colours for couches and shaggy throw rugs. One thing is for sure, Middle East peace talks will never happen in an Ikea.Today was a treat! I was perusing the latest posters when I found this gem:

Hideous

It sounds like the furniture grew in the apartment from some ugly bright orange acorns and then took over the place.

No thank you.

Jello shot recipes (or, why do you want this? Don’t you know you can choke on jello?)

I noticed in my blog stats that some less than cautious individuals want to suck back tiny cups of vodka infused jello.

Why?

Picture it, you are drunk. Then someone hands you a tiny clear plastic cup holding a cylindrical shaped hunk of jello. You sucked it back eagerly and then WHOAH! It slides down your windpipe blocking it like a champagne cork. Oh, it’s bad to be you right now, especially since anyone around you is probably similarly poached in liquor.

Now what?

I dunno. I avoid jello like it’s made from boiled tendons.

But since I am such a sap, I did find a Youtube video that can show you how to make your own Jello Plug of Death.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

I can’t be bothered to watch American Idol

I’m not a big fan of cabaret style amateur singing. While I agree with Simon Cowell’s assessment of the talent (this isn’t grade two — not everyone can be on stage on talent show night), it would be nice if he purchased less t-shirts. Odds are Randy Jackson has some cool stories from his Journey days, and possibly even Zucchero. I won’t bother about Ryan Seacrest (I think he’s biding his time until Dick Clark kicks the bucket so he can be declared Host With The Most).

I watch for Paula Abdul. She’s cool

I don’t particularly like her music, and I’m not a fan of any of her videos. But she is half Canadian. That makes her half cool. Her cool becomes whole because she was in the 1978 musical “Junior High”. It’s a brilliant kids movie starring junior high school students, and one of them was a pre-nose job Paula Abdul as a party girl.