Jello shot recipes (or, why do you want this? Don’t you know you can choke on jello?)

I noticed in my blog stats that some less than cautious individuals want to suck back tiny cups of vodka infused jello.

Why?

Picture it, you are drunk. Then someone hands you a tiny clear plastic cup holding a cylindrical shaped hunk of jello. You sucked it back eagerly and then WHOAH! It slides down your windpipe blocking it like a champagne cork. Oh, it’s bad to be you right now, especially since anyone around you is probably similarly poached in liquor.

Now what?

I dunno. I avoid jello like it’s made from boiled tendons.

But since I am such a sap, I did find a Youtube video that can show you how to make your own Jello Plug of Death.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

Jello Facts That Horrify Me (and probably you)

JELLO IS THE OFFICIAL STATE SNACK FOOD OF UTAH
How horrible for them. According to this Wikipedia article that has seriously frayed my nerves, Utah is part of the “Jello Belt”.

ERGO, MORMONS ENJOY JELLO. WITH SHREDDED CARROTS. SOMETIMES FRUIT.
And apparently the green lime flavoured Jello (or sneaker flavoured to be more precise) is a favourite because many more boxes of the green stuff was sold in Utah than in other states.

Eww.

THE IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN JELLO IS GELATIN.
And gelatin comes from boiling and boiling and boiling the connective tissue from animals. I read a most wonderful article in The Chemical and Engineering News (online edition) and provides and interesting chemical and historical information about Jello. That’s right CHEMICAL AND ENGINEERING NEWS. Because that’s where I want to find the latest and greatest food recipes. 

HOW TO CONQUER JELLO 
When you see a bowl of jello coagulating in the fridge, toss in a handful of FRESH pineapple. The pineapple contains an enzyme that will neutralize the evil quivering jello into harmless flushable mush. Do it! It’s the only way we can defend ourselves from this foul snack. 

But if you persist: Here’s some information about how to satisfy your South Beach Diet requirements and create a Jello-based holiday recipe then check out this picture I found at Kalyn’s Kitchen:

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It’s Double Berry Jello Salad.

And yes, it does look like it’s been hacked off a person.

Horrible. Just horrible. 

Busiest Day EVAH on vingada.com!

50 Vistiors today at vingada.com!

50 People have visited vingada.com today! The most people in one day! Wow!!

One thing I noticed in the “Search Engine Terms” listing, y’all have an obsession with cats and gelatin salad. Me too! Preferably in separate bowls, please. Also, many people do click on my blog links especially http://www.cuteoverload.com and http://www.icanhascheezburger.com. That’s great! These are two of my favourite sites. The people running them are hilarious and always find the best cat pictures. I should be so hard working.

The only search engine term I didn’t understand (and I don’t want to, I think) is “hamster cake”. Ewww! I hope this is a line of cute Japanese manga or anime characters because I really don’t think hamsters belong in a cake. Maybe given a nice cake-like treat, but definitely not actually baked in one. If you or someone you know wants to include hamster in a cake recipe, please, drop the nice hammy and call PETA. They will talk you out of it.

Anyway, thanks for visiting vingada.com! I have a bunch of photos I need to upload but have been lazier than a cat since Christmas. I’ll get to those very soon. Hopefully I can include some cats and jello and possibly even hamster pictures to my flickr account. This year I plan on including more of my bike commuting adventures in Toronto. I hope to even have a road trip! Ooooh! I’ll bring my camera and band-aids.

What I did on Christmas…

The SBC and I had a great, restful, and quiet Christmas Day. We packed up a picnic lunch and ate it in Starbucks (King and Yonge), walked west to Queen and Spadina to visit Queen Video (it was closed. It’s been open on other Christmas Days. But I can’t blame them for closing and having a nice retail free Christmas.). I took a handful of pictures (see Flickr), and we walked up Spadina. Chinatown Centre was open! And crazy busy! We wondered around for an hour until we got hungry. We continued up Spadina Avenue to Swatow north of Dundas. We passed a bunch of open shops and restaurants. I think I know what we are doing next Christmas! Helllloooo Furama! (Bakery cafe just north of the Chinatown Centre. Mmmmm, donuts.)

When we got home I fooled around with Comic Life on my Macbook Pro. I’ve had this laptop for a year but have never tinkered with Comic Life. The app gives you a choice of comic layouts, then you choose your photos, add text bubbles, and then export to iPhoto. This is my first try.

Fooling around with Comic Life

Now there is only New Year’s left of the Holidays. Yeah!  

And I thought I’d found all of the horrible jello recipes in existence…

Nope.

I found numerous websites dedicated to jello based recipes.

Yecch!

I pledge to share these with you. You are welcome.

Sawdust Salad, anyone? My favourite part is the option to “Grate cheese on top if desired”. Thanks, but that would ruin a perfectly good bit of cheese.

Maybe you are not getting enough calories. I know this is rather troublesome for people. So here is a recipe to help you pack on the poundage, HorseRadish Mold.

Num num num! The recipe promises 2113 calories per serving. I imagine it comes from either the 1 cup of mayonnaise, or possibly the 1 cup of sour cream. Unless it’s the 4 ounces of horseradish… Regardless, you can be sure to plump up soon after a plate of this salad.

And the Vingada.com Award for Least Appealing Recipe Title: Mom’s Congealed Salad! I wonder what the punishment is if you don’t clean off your plate? This sounds vile… especially the instruction to add ice cream to the blender if the cottage cheese-mayo-jello mix isn’t sweet enough. Oh, and don’t forget to garnish this with nuts.

I suddenly have a craving for anything that is not sour cream, mayonnaise, cottage cheese, horseradish, or jello. Particularily lemon, lime, and orange varieties.

But I’ll leave you with this bonus recipe in it’s entirety.

Olive Relish

Bright Spots For Wartime Meals – 66 Ration-Wise Recipes, 1944

1 pkg Lime Jell-O
1 pint hot water
3 tbsp. vinegar
1/4 tsp. salt
3/4 cup sliced stuffed olives
1/2 cup sliced sweet pickles
1/4 cup diced celery, if desired

Dissolve Jell-O in hot water. Add vinegar and salt. Chill. When slightly thickened, add remaining ingredients. Turn into small individual molds. Chill until firm. Unmold. Serve with fish or meat. Makes 12 molds. Hospitality needn’t cost you much … either money or pints. Try some of these color-and-savor combinations, all made with food easy to get nowadays. They’ll prove to you and your friends that you can still do luscious entertaining in spite of shortages and rations. Say welcome in wartime!

I copied this recipe from the Jello Museum‘s website. Yes, the Jello Museum, opened by none other than Bill Cosby. Go look, they have pictures. Anyhoo, the Jello Museum has several “Historic Jello Recipes”. I dunno, maybe jello saved the free world from fascism.

Bon appetit!

Garlic! Oh Magnificent Garlic! How My Breath Awaits You!

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My friend Naseem (who is one of my Facebook Obsessions friends) sent out this link to all of her Facebook peeps.

Oh, you must click on this link. Go watch the video. It is awesome! Now I want this thing… and yet it would sit in a kitchen drawer until the next tidy-up/purging. But the video would be worth the price of the garlic card. Yes, garlic card. Go watch the video. I’ve declared the music as the official soundtrack of my life.

After you’ve watched the swinging Swedish video, go thank Naseem by visiting her Flickr photos. She has over 3,000 photos — some of them of gorgeous cakes and hamsters (but don’t worry, there are no hamster cakes).

Umm… is that a green molded salad? Do you hate me THAT much?

This is what I’d expect any guest to ask if I presented this Jello based entree.

May I present to you… Jello’s Holiday Waldorf Salad!!

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Be honest with me… does it look like creamy compost? I think it has an extruded from mashed grass clippings look about it.

Who came up with this gem? Can you imagine the thought process that went into developing this recipe? “I’m thinking lemon Jello and and and mayonnaise! Yeah and apple! And I need to punch up the flavours with some celery! This will be fabulous.”

Not only would I have to be starving before I ate this, I’d first have to eat the wall-to-wall shag carpet and the curtains in the living room before I’d drop a tablespoon of this glop on my plate.

Besides, isn’t Waldorf Salad supposed to have chicken in it? Did Jello figure there was enough meat product (from hooves) in it to satisfy that recipe trolling public that the chicken (from chicken) wasn’t necessary?

Well I’m not going to be the first to eat this. Here’s the recipe. Tell me how it goes.

Healthy Living Made Precarious With Jello Gelatin Salad

Jello Gelatin Gazpacho Salad

So, I was thinking about having my best gals over for canasta and long island ice teas. I figure with the fellas off on their hunting trip, we ladies should get together and bad talk them. Salad is all we’ll eat since we are preserving our curvy figures. I went to my favourite site, Jello, and skimmed through the scrumdelicious recipes looking for the perfect one.

Here’s the address. Thank me later (preferably with a pitcher of martinis).

Are You Gonna Eat That?

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I dare you! That, my dears, is a jello concoction of the vilest kind. The innocent goldfish bowl rendered in jello, cake, and assorted chewy candy. Revolting.

But, in case you are having people you despise over for dinner, here is the recipe link. But please be merciful and don’t feed them lima beans, too.

You know what this recipe is missing? Sharks with fricking laser beams on their heads.

Chicken and Cauliflower Sambar

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I have 30 minutes to make supper tonight. I’ve had a long day. I don’t want to fuss with anything in the kitchen. After we eat, I will read a couple of chapters in my library book (Lone Wolf by Linwood Barclay), take a bath, then go to bed.

How to make chicken and cauliflower sambar

Jyoti Natural Foods makes a great madras sambar. It’s a spicy tangy soup (and I don’t mean white people spicy, I mean there is actually a flavourful soup in this can).

I cube a boneless skinless chicken breast (both halves), mince some onion, and half a head of cauliflower chopped into bite size chunks. Saute the onion in a bit of vegetable oil until translucent.

Add the chicken and the soup, and start with 1/2 a can of water. Let simmer for 20 minutes. Stir occassionally.

Then add the cauliflower. Add 1/2 a can of water, a bit more if it is too thick – remember the cauliflower will need a bit of water to cook. Let simmer for another 10 minutes.

Meanwhile, cook some basmati rice (for two people, 1 cup raw basmati rice, 2 cups water. Place in pot. Bring to a boil, take temperature down to a simmer. After 14 minutes, turn off the heat and let sit until you are ready to eat).

Make a salad.

Ladle the cooked chicken and cauliflower sambar over the cooked rice. Eat!

Pappadums are a tasty addition. You can easily toast them in the microwave. Yes, microwave. Take a raw pappadum and place it on a paper towel and cook it on high for 30 seconds for a high wattage microwave. My microwave is ancient, so it takes closer to a minute. Experiment with the time.

Yogurt mixed with finely chopped garlic and cucumber sprinkled with ground cardamon is refreshing, if you have the energy.

This is incredibly tasty and satisfying. It’s also another way to avoid yet another take out pizza. I mean, it’s only 30 minutes, and you don’t have to babysit it or coax it. Chop. Stir. Eat.